Why Embracing Questions in the Dating Stage Matters

Uncovering Compatibility: The Importance of Discussing Future Goals During Dating

We were watching an episode of Sex and the City where Carrie discovers that Big doesn’t want to get married, and it got us thinking: how often do we find ourselves with partners whose desires and goals don’t align with ours? And why do we often skip those essential conversations at the beginning? Fortunately for Carrie, she discovered this detail early in their relationship. But what if you’re a year in, or even more, deeply emotionally invested—what happens then?

Many of us face similar situations—not just with marriage but with other significant differences in life goals, which can often leave us blindsided, facing tough decisions we never saw coming. So why do we take that risk?

Today, let’s explore why asking key questions from the start is crucial and how addressing these topics early can help prevent misunderstandings and heartache down the road.

Save Time and Emotional Energy

This is the biggest reason to have those important conversations early on. If you’re looking for something serious and long-term, figuring out if your goals and values match up with the person you are beginning to date is crucial. Why waste time and emotional energy only to discover that your long-term dreams don't align?

Imagine investing months into something only to find out that the person you're dating doesn’t want a serious relationship or that they’ll be moving out of the country permanently for work in a year. Talking about these key issues early on can help you avoid those kinds of surprises and make sure you’re both on the same page from the start.

Of course, if you’re just casually dating and enjoying the moment, you might not need to dive into these deeper topics right away. In those cases, it’s more about enjoying the present and less about planning the future. But if you’re thinking about moving from casual dating to something more serious, it’s definitely worth bringing up these conversations sooner rather than later.

By tackling these important questions early, you avoid sinking time and energy into a relationship that might not fit with your long-term goals. This way, you can focus on building connections that truly have the potential for a lasting and fulfilling partnership. It makes the whole dating process smoother and helps you invest in relationships that are genuinely worth your time and emotions.

What Are The ‘Important Questions’

The "important questions" vary from person to person and depend on individual dreams, goals, and aspirations. It’s important to spend some time figuring out your must-haves and what you generally want long-term. 

Here are some examples:

1. Long-Term Goals: If getting married and having kids is a big deal for you, it's important to bring it up early. Some people see family life as a must-have, while others might not. Knowing where your partner stands on this can save a lot of heartache later on. It’s all about making sure you’re both aiming for the same future.

2. Core Values and Beliefs: Your core values and beliefs are like the foundation of your relationship. This covers everything from religion and moral views to how you see life and the world. If you’re on different pages here—like if one of you is super religious and the other isn’t—it could affect your relationship down the road. Talking about these things helps make sure your values match up and keeps things smooth.

3. Expectations for the Future: It's crucial to know if your partner is looking for something serious or just a casual fling. If you’re all about a committed relationship and they’re not, you might end up feeling mismatched. And let’s not forget about things like career plans or moving to a new city—these can have a big impact, too.

In the end, it’s all about figuring out what really matters to you and what you absolutely can’t compromise on. These are your non-negotiables—the things that, if not aligned, could lead to frustration or conflict down the road. We delve into non-negotiables in this blog post—exploring what they are, how to uncover them, and why it's crucial to stick to them.

So Why Do We Avoid Asking the Important Questions? 

Well, why there are many other reasons. The main one we’ll talk about is the fear of pushing someone away or coming on too strong. We’ve all experienced the excitement of new love—those first dates, the constant smile on your face, and the butterflies in your stomach. So it’s completely natural to want to keep things light and fun and to be hesitant about diving into heavier topics, fearing it might scare them off. But here’s the reality: if someone gets ‘scared off’, or feels hesitant, or dismissive about having these conversations, that's a red flag! 

At the end of the day, it’s just a conversation. You’re not demanding immediate commitments - heck, discussing future topics doesn’t mean you're committing to those things with that person. You're simply exploring their views on these significant life choices to see if you’re aligned with the person you're dating because isn’t that the whole point? Shouldn’t you want to want to understand each other’s goals and values before things get serious?

It’s all too common for people to realise they want different things in the relationship down the road. So we believe it’s far better to address these topics early on than to wait until you’re deeply invested and discover you’re on different pages.

Lasting Thoughts

If our biases weren't obvious enough, we’re a strong advocate for asking those big questions. While it may deter some people, that should be seen as a positive rather than a negative. Don’t hesitate to enquire about important matters at the outset of a relationship. It’s not about rushing things; it’s about ensuring compatibility and safeguarding yourself from potential heartache in the future. So, muster your courage, pose the questions that matter, and never settle for anything less than what you genuinely want and deserve.